sad news...

well, i sent out an email about this, but i guess i should update here as well. sadly, i miscarried the baby last week. it was a tough couple of days. it was an emotional roller coaster. i went in on friday due to bleeding and the doctor consoled me and told me that can be normal, i was just really early on and to not worry. but that night and the next day the bleeding got worse. so, i went into urgent care on saturday. on the way there i was thinking it was over, but when i got there the doctor seemed to think things might be ok. while waiting for blood tests results to tell me, i was praying non stop that things would be ok. i had a huge group of people praying for me too. but when i went back in i found out that my hormone levels were really low and had dropped below what they even consider pregnant. i couldn't beleive it, it was such a shock. i was mad i was ever given hope that things might be ok.

after trying for 15 months to get pregnant, i was so surprised that i was. it happened the way michael and i hoped, without fertility medicine. our family and friends were so excited for us, it was so much fun to tell them. it's hard to believe that it's over.

i am so thankful to have makenzie. i know there are so many girls that can't get pregnant ever and miscarry every time they do. my heart aches for them, that would be so hard to handle. it took a long time to get pregnant with makenzie too, and i am thankful i didn't ever miscarry then. because even though i am sad now, i can hug and kiss the baby girl i do have. and if she is the only child i have, i could never be sad. she is more than michael and i could ever ask for, she's perfect.

i'm trying not to ask all of those questions of why, when i could never know the answer. i am just trying to trust in the lord's plan for my life, i dont' know what that will be for us, but i am trusting in him. he has provided everything we've needed and i trust that he will do the same now. and i trust that my heart will heal more each day. so, once again, we will wait on him.

thanks for all your love, support and prayers...